The Fear of Dying and Leaving My Special Needs Son

The Fear of dying and Leaving My Special Needs Son
1 min read

A few years ago, I read an article of an aging father who committed suicide, after turning the gun on his intellectually disabled, adult-son. The article described the father’s deep love for his child and how he cared for him. Neighbors attested to this love and shared how they would see the two together, either driving in the car or shopping in a store.

“Then what caused this horrific tragedy?” I asked myself.

Well, investigators learned that the father who was in his 70’s, was concerned about the care of his son, when he would die.

When I read this part of the article, a deep feeling of sadness filled me. It was impossible for me to pass judgment or condemn the father. My heart could only feel sympathy.

Of course, I’m not aware of the thoughts or struggles that plagued this man, I can only imagine, his fears. The anguish of not knowing what to do with his child and not trusting that someone would care for him as he did.  This I completely understand.

Although Nate is living in a residential facility, it has not settled my heart with the questions of Nate’s well-being. I constantly think, about my son’s life when I pass away.

I have to hold back my tears and the thoughts of someone not treating him right, harming him, or him not receiving visitors. I don’t want to imagine that my son will be alone and I am no longer here to advocate for him.

So, I pray.

I pray for my son, my thoughts and my heart.
I pray that my child will be well and that God will protect and care for him, long after I am gone.

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    Since Stephen and I are now in our late 50s and we’ve both lost family and friends I’ve had the same concerns. I prayed to God that he would take us both at the same time. Stephen could not live without me and I could not live without him. Even though the staff at his Group Home Residence may bond with him there is nothing like family to be there for you. Of course I try not to dwell on death because it is unpredictable. All we can really do is focus on the here and now.

    However if you have other family members who have bonded with Nathan you might want them to be Power of Attorney and Health Proxy in case of your death or disability. Talk it over with relatives who you trust and would step in the gap for you. Actually for Legal reasons it would be a good idea to make up a Will or some sort of Living Guardianship should be be unable to care for or visit Nate. I think a sit-down with a Lawyer who specializes in such cases will put your mind at ease.

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