Last year, I was on a path that I thought was clearly mapped out for me from God. It looked like all systems were go, then the path seemed to take this winding turn into a ditch. I was shocked and hurt because I was off the road that I thought God had laid out for me as my final destination. And as I looked at the situation, I became angry, because I didn’t know where I was going and I felt lost with no purpose or plan that I could visually see.
For me, and a lot of people, it is extremely difficult not knowing or seeing what is going on in our life. We need a plan that is visually and specifically laid out, with directions and detailed instructions. We want this plan or road map as a surety that what we believe is going to happen, will actually occur. And yet, when we don’t have that, we feel lost and in despair.
That is exactly how I felt last year. After about two weeks of lying in that ditch, I came to my senses and picked myself up and realized that going back on that road was not an option I wanted to pursue. Yet, I still felt lost, as I screamed to God… “Now what? What am I going to do?” That was when I prayed something that I had never prayed before.
“God, let me be all right with not knowing.”
That was when I truly believe my eyes were opened because, “I let go”. Yes…..”I let go”. I let go of everything and everyone, especially the control that I had to have about knowing every single detail of what was going to occur in my life. I had to learn to be all right with not knowing God’s plan, and also, waiting for him to tell me in His time, what is my next step. I had to truly do what I thought I had been doing, but realized that I was not,”Trusting in my Lord”.
When I did this, I finally came to a place where I was standing on God’s promises in His Word and trusting Him with His purpose and plan for my life. And this has bought me to a place where I have never been before…a place where I am all right with not knowing.