My time off for spring break use to be a time of fun. I would spend the days resting, relaxing, and enjoying the moments with my son. Yet, now that he lives in a residential facility for adults with special needs, things are different.
In the past, when Nate was home, there was an unofficial tradition, where we would prepare the house and garden for the spring and summer seasons that would be fast approaching. We would care for the lawn; clean the house, and run errands. Although Nate wasn’t the one, mowing the lawn and cleaning the house, the beauty of the time was that we were together. Yet now, during this spring break, it was me…..by myself.
The first few days weren’t easy. I awoke to pray, then write, and in the midst of writing, I thought to myself, “Nate should be home with me.”
Sadly, I missed my son.
I missed being together, hearing the sound of him tossing in his bed.
I missed, hearing him stretch and yawn.
I missed going into the kitchen and making him a hearty breakfast of grits, sausage, and cheese eggs.
I missed our errands, where we would go shopping for the house and plants for the garden.
I missed us returning home to plant those flowers in the garden, while he sat in the lawn chair.
I missed going to a restaurant, where we’d sit and have lunch.
I missed watching him smile.
I missed hearing him laugh.
I missed him.
And with every thought of missing my son…..I wished….
“Things were different.”
“That he could still live with me.”
“That I had help.”
“That I didn’t have to work outside of the home to care for him.”
“That caring for him was easier….”
“That…….the tears that were coming down my face, as I wrote this, would STOP.”
I miss my son being home.