I have not arrived!
I have not arrived at the highest peak of trusting God with every single concern or issue in my life. I will admit it! At times, trusting God is difficult for me!
Over the years, I have had moments when I trusted God fully. There were times when I was certain that God was going to help me and my child. Knowing this gave me a good feeling, where I felt as if I was floating through the air, gliding on clouds of trust. I screamed from high in the sky, proclaiming that,“God is going to take care of me. God is going to do it.” My confidence in The Lord was so overwhelming that no one could stop me.
I also had moments where my trust in God was low, sometimes even non-existent. No matter how much I prayed, read the word, and shouted in praise, I could not find an ounce of trust in me. I would become frustrated and angry as I screamed out, “Where are you God?”
In those fluctuating times of trusting one minute and not trusting the next, I will say that my greatest challenges of trust were with my son. I have had times where I trusted God with Nate and times where it seemed impossible. Today, I will say it…..
“I am still learning to trust God with my child.”
Just recently, I had one of those moments where I struggled to trust God. I wrote a post titled, When People Don’t Want to Care for Your Child With Behavior Difficulties, where I shared how at Nate’s residential home, I noticed that the staff was not taking an initiative to know him. After meetings where we discussed issues and plans for improvement were made, there was never a permanent change.
I angrily cried out to God, telling Him that I wanted Nate to move. I wanted my son in a different residential facility that was smaller and where he would receive more attention. I told God that I didn’t want six residents living with Nate anymore, but four. I demanded that God do something immediately, and if he did not, Nate was moving back home.
Here I was giving God an ultimatum. I had no right to do such a thing, because He is God, also because He has shown me throughout my life that He can be trusted. Yes! I could trust him, not because I read it in the bible a million times, but because I have many experiences where He has shown me that He is trustworthy.
And just like always, God proved Himself faithful about this problem. Recently, Nate moved into his new residential facility. It is a house, that has three residents, including Nate, not the four that I had prayed. I also see the staff willing to know Nate, as they are taking an initiative to build a rapport with him.
Once again, there goes God, showing me that I can trust Him.