Twenty-three years ago, when I walked out of my child’s diagnosis meeting, I felt as if it was the worst thing that could happen. There was a feeling of dread that filled me. I sat in confusion as tears rushed down my face. I wondered,
Why Me, God?
Why my son?
Why did you let this happen to my child?
After leaving the hospital and taking Nate home, I cared for my son as I felt lost and confused. I couldn’t see any bright spots in his diagnosis of CHARGE Syndrome, as I continuously told myself that this was the worst thing that could happen.
Now, as I look back on the last twenty-three years of caring for Nate, I definitely see things differently. I have seen many bright spots in raising my son, and I have concluded that Nate’s birth was not the worst thing that could happen to me. No not at all! Nate has truly been a blessing and has shown me so much about life.
Nate has blessed me in so many ways. From his smile, his laughter, his growth, and much more. Instead of seeing this as the worst, I see the “beauty” in having a child with special needs.
Nate is indeed, the “Beauty” of my life. He makes me laugh, he fills my heart with joy, and he makes me cry in happiness. And I can see this clearly through the many wonderful moments of our life together. From the day when I first heard my baby laugh. He looked at his father and then at me and chuckled with the deepest laughter from a baby that I had ever heard. Then the day that I watched my four year-old son walk up a flight of stairs to his bedroom, for the very first time. I marveled that he had finally learned to walk independently. Then at ten years old, when on vacation, Nate discovered hot tubs, and smiled happily as the bubbles moved around him. And most recently, as I watched the smile on Nate’s face as he played in the pool at his weekly swimming session. These moments and more have shown me the beauty in his life.
And yes, there have been trying times while raising Nate. From the countless moments when I cried in agony, and wished that life could be different. Then there were the days when I thought I couldn’t continue to be Nate’s caregiver. Yet, those moments don’t make having a child with special needs the worst thing that can happen. Instead they add to the beauty, because through Nate’s life, I have learned unconditional love, and how to have a servant’s heart. He has also shown me how to depend on God and how to look to Him in difficult seasons.
So, when I I see the beauty in Nate’s life, it is impossible to believe that raising a child with special needs is the worst thing that can happen. It is not! It is actually the most beautiful thing that can happen.